Fear of Death

Recently I've been looking through my old dream journals, trying to make an index of symbols. I've just finished reading through my diary from 2005. It's fascinating to watch dream symbols rise and fall, and even more fascinating when my subconscious decides to reuse a symbol that I've been reading about in one of my current dreams.

So far, I've got to the stage where I was eighteen and about to go to university. These are the most common symbols:

9. Three Entries: Another Universe, Babylon 5, Bekky, Bilborough College, Church, Cave, Colony, Dream, Dream Journal, Evil, Eris, G.W Bush, God, Homes, Hotel, Love, Nottingham, New Zealand, RPGs, University, Western Europe.

8. Four Entries: Another World, Alex L, America, Beach, China, Christianity, Dad, Family, Friends, Food, Joni, James B, Mr. Southey, Space, Spaceship, Star Trek, TV, The Twins, Toilet, Work.

7. Five Entries: Bus, Buddhism, Magic, Megan, Parents, Religion, Sleep.

6. Six Entries: Cars and Money.

5. Seven Entries: Police.

4. Eight Entries: Sex and War.

3. Nine Entries: Girl.

2. Twelve Entries: Death and the King's School.

1. Thirteen Entries: Chris B and Politics.

From this I discern that I was, to some limited degree a normal teenager. At the time I was a committed blogger, so it isn't surprising that political themes play heavilly on my mind. Mostly these dreams don't seem to provide any real insight. Mostly they present Politics as an Other to be afraid of. More often than not, the primary fear that is the fear that people are trying to make us afraid.

I am concerned by the reoccurring theme of death and war. It looks like I had a lot of fear when I was eighteen. Death especially was never tackled head on. I was a bit goth at the time, but even to this day I've never been able to face the idea of going to a funeral. I think my subconscious was presenting me with death in general because I was unable to face any particular incidences of death.

I love dreams. They turn normal logic on its head and work in contradictions. They can't be studied like logic or epistemology because they are not a passive subject. Instead I find my dreams teach me about themselves the more I study them. It is a really rewarding dialogue.